FAKE GRASS NEWS Magazine

Guinness on Artificial Turf transcript

Credit-Kaisley Raley
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Fake Grass News interviews a dog about his experience with synthetic grass to get the real scoop

FGN: I’m here with Guinness, the happy pup, along with our world renowned animal linguist to translate, and 
he’s going to tell us about this incredible synthetic grass he’s come across. Hello Guinness, and thank you for 
being with us today.
 Guinness: Anything for a treat!

FGN: So Guinness, when did you first notice that you weren’t walking on any old grass anymore?
 Guinness: You know, I didn’t actually notice it right away. The sun was shining last summer and I just thought that the grass was getting greener (that is, if I could see the color green…). But it just seemed so healthy and alive! And then winter rolled around and the grass still felt so good on my paws. But the thing that really made me wonder, was that no matter if the rain sprinkled or I tinkled, I would never come into the house with muddy paws.

FGN: Wow, I bet your owners were quite happy about that!
 Guinness: They LOVE it. My owners spend more time than ever with me out there now. They throw the ball for me and I catch it. Then they throw it again and I catch it. 

FGN: And it doesn’t get torn up with your claws running around all the time?
 Guinness: Not at all. Don’t tell my owners, but I’ve really put this yard to the test. I’ve tried to bury my bones in it, but I can't dig through, that grass seems indestructible.

FGN: Guinness, can you tell me how it handles “your business”?
 Guinness: When I piddle, it just disappears. I can't even sniff out where I went last. My homeowners just pick up solids, easier than before.

FGN: Well there you have it folks, EasyTurf Pedigree dog turf from JNR Home Improvements is both owner 
approved and dog approved.
 Guinness: Bye guys! Bye! See you later! Come back soon! BYEEEEEEEE!

The results are in: Children prefer playing on nice lawns

A new study by Fake Grass News shows that as many as 11 out of 10 children prefer playing on nice lawns instead of the dying yellow lawns that have become so popular with the CA drought.
 Johnny, 10years old, says “nice lawns are definitely nicer”. Johnny is accompanied by a close friend of his named Timmy who concurs, “yup” says Timmy.
This study is the result of several minutes spent by a team of amatuer scientists compiling data and conducting interviews with experts in  playing. These experts all seem to agree that nice lawns are nicer. “We found the best way to have a nice 
 lawn” says Bob, a researcher in the study,  “is to have a synthetic one. Artificial turf is always nice and, as our studies show, people like that. Especially kids”